The first poem I read was "her voice" which I thought was very creative. I love a twist on a poem about a very random object. The form of a Haibun is very new to me and the style is very different. In the line where it states "sometimes I wish she was more cordial, but our relationship is all business" it brings me to a new thought about a GPS and what a relationship is between a driver and the GPS. Drivers do depend on GPS's, probably more then they think and this poem really shows the connection between the two. I like the style of a Haibun; it explains the topic or thought more then just a haiku. It gets deeper then three lines in a poem. I can understand and expand on the topic.
In the next poem "Joe" at the end where it states "cold black granite walls, the Vietnam Memorial, I touch Joe's name" I would have never known the background information about Joe or what Joe means to the writer. I like Haibuns better then regular Haikus because it expands on the topic and also leads up to what the Haiku is about. If the poem didn’t have the prose in the beginning, I would have never understood what led up to going to the Memorial wall.
In the poem "red-tailed hawk" I have learned that Haibuns can go from an electronic to something in nature and anything in between. I really wonder what made him pull over to have a formal funeral for the hawk? If I just read the Haiku at the end, I would have no idea what was going on at the time. There are a million possibilities that the poem could have been connected to. But with the beginning part, I then begin to understand what led up to this moment. Haibuns seem to have a better connection and a deeper level of understanding to the topic then a regular Haiku.
In the last poem "elevator music” where it states, "Called to the hospital, no family present, I was alone with the dying patient, a women in her eighties." I was wondering who is this woman? The writer didn’t seem to have a deeper connection with the woman besides being an acquaintance. Why was he called to the hospital? This last poem didn’t seem to explain the topic on a deeper level then the other three poems. However, if I just read the Haiku, I wouldn’t have a clue to what the story was behind this.
my attempt at a Haibun:
as the blank paper stares back at me, my pencil rolls over my fingers. my mind debating where the inception is. the chipped yellow paint of the pencil reflects the warm glow from the dining room chandelier. the tip perfectly pointed to reveal the soft, gray lead. the eraser slightly grayed from the aggressive rubbing against the paper. draw and redraw, sketch and resketch, line after line, shadow after shadow. shifting my position in the chair to keep the creative juices flowing. music saturates the air with different genres, bringing out different emotions that reflect in the piece. eyes darting back and forth to every corner of the paper.
lines connect together
revealing the image as one
drawing and painting
when did you first hear about the style of Haibun?
when your writing, do you try to have a certain rhythm?
what made you pull over to see the red-tailed hawk?
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